Land of Oz

Stupid Shopping Tricks

OK. I'll admit it. Little things can really piss me off. Take today for example. On Saturday's I usually spend the morning doing what has become pretty much a habit for me. Usually I'll hit the Salvation Army, some hardware stores, a hobby shop, a bakery, and finish it off with coffee and a muffin at a coffee shop. This varies; sometimes more places, sometimes less. Today I added the library, some clothes shopping, and finally stretched it out to include a steak dinner at Outback. Here's the little burrs under my saddle today:

• I stopped at an Ace hardware store and when the clerk asked if she could help (good) I asked if they had any valve grinding compound or emery dust. She gave me this look, and then said, "I never heard of that stuff" and started to wander off!?! Finally one of the older guys who works there helped me - but they didn't have anything like it.


• I was in line at the Salvation Army buying a slide rule I found (happy - happy!) and the clerk totally ignores me and starts to handle the person behind me! I must have looked obviously annoyed, because she mumbled something like "some customers just can't wait..." and finally got back to me.


• I go to Kohls to buy some clothes and the clerk rings up an item twice. I tell them I not going to sign the credit card slip. She tells me I have to or go to the back of the store to get a refund. She tells me if I don't go to the back I'm going to have a real long wait!?! I ask her why I have to go to the back when she made the mistake. Finally a manager comes over and fixes (I hope) the problem.


• This was at Target. Why does a store have you slide your card through a credit card reader and then requires the clerk to look over the card. Why doesn't the clerk just scan it and then look at it. It is more efficient for her to handle the card once than for both of us to handle the card.


• I buy an ice cream cone at a local place called Fuzzys. I walk up to the cash register while I'm waiting for cone to pay, and the clerk says you're going to have to wait. And there's no one there! Eventually I end up having to drag my money out one-handed while ice cream drips down my other.


• I'm in Outback early - no wait for a change - and get a quick table. However no waitress shows up. Eventually someone walks buy and asks if I've been helped. When I say no, she wanders off as well. I'm actually getting up to find a waitress when she finally stops by.

sigh.....

2fers: Michelle Yeoh and Government Bennies

Politics

Right now, I really haven't followed the presidential election all that much. To me politicians are just necessary evils that have to be put up with. I think the majority of them are just a bunch of power hungry individuals that will say whatever they think you want to hear in order to be voted for.

That being said, I don't understand the fuss over Kerry's military records. It seems that a lot of people are upset because he wasn't wounded bad enough. I'm sorry, but if you're serviing your country somewhere and you're close enough to the bad guys to get wounded in any way - you're wounded enough. Here's the quote that set me off:

"One Kerry critic has questioned whether he deserved the Purple Heart for the first shrapnel wound to the left arm. The medical record simply says the shrapnel was removed and Bacitracin dressing was applied. "

It would seem this critic (who was unnamed) would have been much happier had the wound occured maybe 12 inches higher and taken out an eye or lodged in the heart leaving Kerry blind or dead.

Hey - he was being shot at by people who were trying to kill him while he was trying to stay alive while following orders defending his country. It seems somehow that since he survived he's less of a patriot. Should we start giving graduated patriot awards? The worse you're wounded the more patriotic you are?

I was lucky. I was never stationed in active combat, though I have spent time in a declared combat zone (Desert Storm/Southern Watch) while it was relatively peaceful and in a non-combat zone (Europe in the 80s) when it wasn't relatively peaceful. Not to take anything away from those who were, but does the fact that I was never shot, gassed, bombed, burnt, beat up, tortured make my 22 years in the military worthless?

Searching for Searches

I don't know what this reflects on, but I took a look at my web logs and noticed they show searches that result in my web site being returned. Some of them are pretty bizarre (so if you haven't read all my blog entries you're missing some strange stuff). For what it's worth, here's most of the results. It's the search engine URL followed by the search terms. For those of you who aren't too familiar with this stuff, the + sign in the search terms would usually be a space. The odd numbers preceded by % are hex numbers and mean; %22 is a double quote ("), %20 is a space ( ), and %2B is a plus sign (+).

http://search.yahoo.com
rimini+munss
mismarked+prices
sweet+gwendoline
Land+of+Oz
sweet+gwen


http://www.google.com
22suggested+maintenance%22+%22dodge+caravan


http://www.google.co.uk/
polosis


http://search.msn.com/
delta+drill+press+lowes
puppies+eating+night+crawlers
lowes+versus+home+depot
Why+Lowes
Timothy+Mcvie
the+land+of+oz
pictures+convertable+beetle
getting+oil+off+of+blacktop
vw+babes
promoted incompetency
lady%20bug%20seat%20covers
NUDE+BABES+FLASHING
white+babes+topless
pannini+makers
RAF+Upper+Heyford
topless+babes


http://search.msn.co.jp
GWENDOLINE


http://www.altavista.com/
oz+males+prisoners
fence+post+puller


http://fr.altavista.com
sweet+gwendoline
http://www.hotbot.com


http://web.ask.com
How+long+does+it+take+to+get+a+Corvette+after+ordering
how+to+set+clock+on+2003+chevy+s-10


http://tm.wc.ask.com
black+dominatrix


http://www.hotbot.com/
dominatrix+leather+english
babes+%2Bboobs

Making a Movie

I’m going to tell you how to make a money making movie. Notice I didn’t say a good movie, just one that makes money. I have a rather low-brow taste in movies. I really like a good B-movie. I’ll watch the occasional blockbuster, but I can enjoy a pretty low-budget movie as well. Here’s how I’d make movie. This wouldn’t be any Gone with the Wind or Citizen Kane, but I have the feeling there’d be a lot of guys interested in it.

First there has to be at least a few good looking actresses. Now while I prefer the long-legged bosomy type, I’m not all that particular. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, it really doesn’t matter. Short, tall, dark or light. And they should have a little acting talent. Talent like a Katherine Hepburn or Jodie Foster would be nice, but being able to even passably say lines and emote even somewhat realistically is fine. Oh yeah, they gotta be prepared for some nudity. It doesn’t have to be full nudity, and definitely not porno mode, just judicious flashes of thighs and breasts, with an occasional long term shot of skin. For looks, Julie Strain or Michelle Bauer are great – for acting, Julie is about bottom line.

A couple of fight scenes would be nice. While I like Asian martial arts, a sword fight, gun fight, or even a barroom brawl would suffice. And while a couple of guys fighting work, there has to be at least one ladies fight, and please let them look like they know how. I really hate the pull and scratch fighting that so often appears in these types of movies. I don’t want mud or oil or water or jello for that matter either. Please, no Dynasty style water fights. What does work nice for me is when strategic parts of clothing get damaged during a fight. Blouse buttons are always nice but how about some creative damage, like a sword that misses the skin, but slits the blouse along the side. Maybe one fighter gets tossed against a wall and part of the skirt catches on a nail and gets ripped. And when they show, black undergarments please.

While real martial artists like Jet Li and Jackie Chan are best, actor wannabes can do surprisingly well. I really like Wesley Snipes. Michelle Yeoh has a grace that dancing brings to combat. John Wayne had some great choreographers for his fights.

Guns! Please use some gun sense. I tried to watch a movie last month that had some over-the-hill body builder in it. (no – not Arnie – he’s good with guns, his old workout partner actually). Poor guy hadn’t a clue how to handle a gun. There’s some things to remember. Guns have recoil. They need reloading. You have to aim at something to hit it. And things can be hit. I hate movies when there’s a zillion shots and no one gets hit, no one reloads, and no one aims. Gun play in Underworld sucked – as much as I liked the movie. Ronin had good gunfights. But I don’t like slasher stuff. A little blood goes a long way. Make me think it was gruesome without showing me.

Along with guns, explosions are cool. Just blow something up. I don’t really care for the car down the cliff and boom scene either. A Pinto being tapped and blowing up worked well in Top Secret however. Contrary to popular belief, one bullet is very unlikely to blow up a car, truck, air plane, power plant, aircraft carrier, etc. I don’t really care what’s blown up as long as something is. Buildings, cars, planes, dams, who cares – just big booms.

You have to have a chase scene. And make it work. I hate it when a dirt biker is running from a car and the bike stays on a highway. Or the sports car is running from a SUV and turns down a dirt road. And do I even need to mention someone running from a car and he’s running down the middle of the street! I really hate that. Now Bullitt had a chase scene. And since I just rewatched Ronin, it's chase scene was fantastic as well. And let’s face it, whatever its weaknesses, Dukes of Hazard did cool stuff with General Lee and dirt roads.

Plot – don’t need much. Horror or search or chase or revenge or mystery. I don’t really care too much.

So here’s the movie. Three well endowed female college coeds are making out nude in their college sauna when they decide to take a road trip down state. They get arrested by corrupt cops and tossed in the local women’s prison. Escaping by seducing the female warden and stealing her Audi, they are chased by corrupt samurai sword wielding cops through a small town where the mayor has just blown up and robbed the local bank. The ladies eventually ambush the cops and after a violent gun fight where they run out of ammo end up killing the cops using their own swords after a clothes destroying close combat battle. As they get ready to return to Bryn Mahr to resume their library science studies, they stop the bank robbing mayor by blowing up his limo using a rocket propelled grenade found in one of the cop cars and finally retire with the money to a beach front condo where we see them sunbathing in the nude as the credits roll by.

Now that would be a movie.

2fers: Michelle Yeoh and Bullit

Custom Landscaping?

I just saw a truck that had a sign "Custom Landscaping" on it. My first reaction was opposed to what? Can you see a business that only does standard landscaping? I can see a conversation something like this:

customer: Hello, is this Acme Standard Landscaping?

acme: Yes it is, how can we help?

customer: I have a lawn that needs to be mowed and some hedges trimmed.

acme: OK - just to let you know though, we only do rectanglular lawns 20 feet by 30 feet with two trees. We trim hedges 10 feet long with one corner.

customer: ?? - er, ah my lawn is about 15 by 40 and I need the hedges trimmed 48 inches.

acme: hmmm - sorry, we can't help. You might try that new-fangled custom landscaper across town. I've heard they do special cases like yours.

Thoughts About Religion (or god's gonna be pissed at me)

Here’s just a few random thoughts about religions. I’ll do my best to irritate all religions.

• Suppose Odin is the true god – I’ll bet he’s laughing his ass off over all the folks killing each other in the Middle East in the name of other gods.
  
  
• Does god really care if I eat beef or pork – and if it's on a Friday?
  
  
• It nice to know that so many use the bible to prove their point of view, like selling your daughter into slavery: Exodus 21:7 “If a man sells his daughter as a female slave, she is not to go free as the male slaves do.”
  
  
• You're born naked and you die naked. Why is there such a problem with being naked in between?
  
  
• What possible difference does it make in church if a man wears a hat or a woman doesn’t?
  
  
• How many poor people do you think could be fed if the pope hocked all his chalices?
  
  
• For some reason people who find no problem with a holy trinity (three spirits/gods/ whatever in one) find a spirit in a tree heathen and disgusting.
  
  
• If guys get to spend eternity with 40 virgins for blowing up a bus load of women and children, what do women get when they blow up a bus load of folks?
  
  
• Regarding Mel’s latest (which I haven’t seen by the way). How accurate is it with Jesus being a white guy?
  
  
• I don’t know if this is true, but supposedly Christ says in Luke 14:26, “I anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters … he cannot be my disciple.”
  
  
• Why do wiccan spirits always have names like Rhaevyn and Laanora, but never George or Sally?
  
  
• It nice to know that so many use the bible to prove their point of view, like selling your daughter into slavery: Exodus 21:7 “If a man sells his daughter as a female slave, she is not to go free as the male slaves do.”
  
  
• It’s no problem turning water into wine and walking on water, but heaven forbid you think a yogi could possibly levitate.
  
  
• A big deal is made about god sacrificing his son for mankind. Wow – it was for three days out of an eternity, and he was back again. All dads are glad to get their kids out of the house for awhile.
  
  
• Don’t you just love it when a child is “blessed” by being born with some hideous birth defect?
  
  
• I’ll bet the Incas and Mayans love Christianity – oh wait, most of them were killed by the Christians.
  
  
• How dare the Christians start the crusades to kick out the Moslems who invaded the west so the west wouldn’t invade the east, etc. etc.
  
  
• A pagan healing with a crystal is just plain weird, while a priest healing with some oil and a wooden cross is fine.
  
  

Lastly, if you read of some dude being hit by lightning in Michigan tonight, there probably is a god and she isn’t too happy with me right now.

2fers: The bible says… and Wicca

MEGA MARTS

I have a problem with Wal-Mart and franchises in general. But mostly Wal-Mart. I have this argument with a lot of people and it all boils down to saving money. Whether it’s Wal-Mart or Home Depot or even McDonalds, the bottom line seems to be the bottom line. I think Wal-Mart has taken it to an extreme. They move into some small rural town and before you know it all the other local stores have been driven out of business. Folks figure saving 10 or 15% is where it’s at. From here on out I’ll use MegaMart as a kind of generic cuss word.

No one seems to think about what saving that 15% is going to cost them. First look at the jobs that a MegaMart offers. Low paying, part-time and minimal bennies. Hardly anything to write home about. The downtown, if it was still in business, and for many small towns it was, will dry up. A lot of your neighbors are going to lose their jobs. Not just the owners of drug stores, clothing stores and hardware stores are involved either. Where do you think most of the cheap junk that MegaMart sells comes from? It’s not from your local factory – that probably closed years ago – the factory was offering too many people a living wage.

Nope, that junk is probably going to come from China or some other third-world place where a worker is going to get a month what the US worker probably got a week – if they’re lucky. In China the worker is just as likely to be some convict (and you think we are loose with the term convict) who’s working for the state. They were probably involved in some heinous crime like writing a non-governmental approved blog or newspaper.

And franchise restaurants. There’s a thing called regional cooking. It was what you used to be able to get when you went to the local diner. Try some of that good ol’ tex-mex chili at Wendys or a tasty German brat at 7-11. Why is it people are so in love with conformity. What is good about a sandwich tasting the same in every part of the world.

To my shame, I’ll admit to eating in franchise places now and then. Mostly my lunches are bought in a little Chinese restaurant called Jade Garden, a local greasy spoon called Tony’s and occasionally a Mexican restaurant that just opened called Los Quatros Amigos (sorry if I butchered the spelling). Some Saturdays I’ll hit the local drive-in called Old Town Drive-in and I usually purchase my coffee beans, not at Starbucks, but at the Red Eye Caffe. Unfortunately the Red Eye is too smoke filled to drink a cup of coffee, but at least they have good (if only slightly tobacco flavored) coffee beans. I try to buy my bakery goods at Spatz or Country Grains and do my hobby shopping at Roger’s Hobby Center.

Do something good today – ignore Arbys and eat at Joes!

2fers: Search Locally and Wal-Mart

The Bug - bugged

It wasn't a real good weekend for my Beetle. I took a trip up to Toronto and one of the projects there was to have my car looked after. The pax side door has been giving me some trouble. I made an appointment 300 miles away because my dealer, Thelen Motors, sucks big time. I thought it was probably a plug had come loose. About 2 years ago, I had to get the pax side of the car repainted. Some nitwit decided to practice his writing skills on the side of my car. The body shop I used (which was on the insurance company's good list) turned out to know nothing about VWs. The first weekend I had it after the paint the job, the passenger side door opened while I was driving down the road! So I figured that among other things, they didn't fasten the plug correctly after reinstalling the door. It turns out they broke the wiring harness. The Toronto dealer did the best they could to fix it, but they said to do it right, I'd have to replace the door wiring harness - $600 parts alone!!!

On the way up on Highway 402, some trucker in front of me decided to take a nap and wandered off the road onto the shoulder -- about three times. One of the Rocks he kicked up hit right in the middle of the windshield and put a crack in it. Not just a chip, but a through and through crack. It's only about 1/2" wide now, so I'll see what happens. I'll have to get it replaced sooner or later.

I don't know why I'm having so many little niggling problems with my poor beetle. It'd be different if I was running into stuff or not putting in oil or letting the tires go flat. I check the oil, water and tires usually once a week. I wash her and drive relatively carefully. Poor thing, she's been vandalized and then some body-shop butchers (Saginaw Auto Collision Inc.) screwed her up. A big chunk of plastic found its way into the treads of a tire and made it flat, the local VW dealer is less than clueless. Now some somnolent trucker puts a hole in the windshield.

The following 2fers are the result of going to Google entering the three words listed and clicking I'm Feeling Lucky

2fers: jim foose trial and frickle tom barn