Thursday, March 20, 2008
BORG
Big Orange Retail Giant, or in other words, Home Depot. Today I wandered around during my lunch browsing the store. I'm looking for an electric lawn mower. Naturally, there's no one there to answer questions. However, I did find some stainless steel kabob sticks on clearance, (loose in a package), so picked them up.
Another thing I was looking for was supports for some heating ducts in my house. Menards had some, but I wasn't ready to use them when I saw them. Naturally, there was no one around the ductwork. I walked past a couple of aisles and finally found a Borg drone taking pictures - I think she was a vender. She tried to help after I showed her where the ductwork was, but finally handed me off to the plumbing guy, who after taking me to his plumbing section told me he didn't carry duct supports (he could have told me that in the ductwork section).
So while in the plumbing department, I picked up some foam insulation for my 1/2" and 3/4" copper water pipes. This is lightweight (more on this later) split foam tubes that go around water pipes to help the hot water pipes from cooling off and the cold water pipes from dripping condensation. They're about 6 foot long, floppy, and a little awkward to carry.
I head for the checkout lane and lo and behold, there are no open checkout lanes. All the lights are off and all the little anti-customer checkout gates are pulled shut. The only thing open is the self-checkout lanes. Normally, I have no problem with, and in fact prefer, the self-checkout lanes. However this time, because of the type of materials and the lack of price tags it would have been nice to get a little help.
OK. I scan the kabob sticks (they do show the clearance price) and because the package was broke, put them on the shelf. However, the scanner won't accept that shelf and beeps at me to put the stuff down in the right place. When I finally figure out what it wants and comply, it generously allows me to scan another item - one of the insulation tubes. I put that down, but it's too light to trigger the machine (I told you they were light) and the scanner tells me again to put it down correctly. Finally a Borg clone comes over to reset the machine. The next tube I want to scan doesn't have a tag, so I pick up the one I just scanned to use the tag on it. This time the machine yells at me to put it back, having decided that it isn't too light after all, and of course the Borg clone has to come over and reset the machine. So I scan one with a tag, and when I put it down, I step on the counter to tell the machine I did put it down. Naturally, the machine isn't too happy with my fat foot, and once again the Borg clone has to reset the machine.
I finally tell her that not all tubes have tags and that I have 4 large ones and 3 small ones. She hand scans the one I earlier scanned and marks up 7 more. I tell no, 4 large ones and 3 small ones. She has to reset the machine and removes the 8 large ones and again has to reset the machine and finally scans in 4 large ones. I have to pull one of the small tubes out so she can reset the machine and finally scan the 3 small ones. Eventually I get to the point where I can pay the Borg for their quality service and products. I put in my $20, get my change and pick up 7 long, floppy foam tubes and a broken package of loose (and sharp) kabob sticks and try to get out of the store without dropping anything.
So as I'm wandering out the door, with loose floppy tubes and sharp pointy sticks in my hands, and my change falling out of my pocket, another vendor asks me if I want a hot dog! Thinking about telling him where he could put his hot dog as I juggle tubes and sharp pointy things, and loose change, I say no, (surprisingly I'm still polite) and walk out to my car.
I've heard it called this more than once. Not only does the acronym fit, but Home Depot tends to have a Borglike (you gotta know Star Trek) effect on local hardware stores. The Borg motto is, "Resistance is futile, prepare to be assimilated."
Labels: gripes
