Land of Oz

Wiping your...

OK - this is a delicate subject I would imagine. Have you ever wondered about the mechanics of wiping your, underside as it were? And right off the bat, while I know many other countries use the bidet, and they are becoming more popular in the USofA, I'm talking the use of paper. And also, no, I have no idea how to use a bidet.

This issue of NewScientist magazine had a real short retro-blurb about how a British paper company called foul on a US company that was marketing a stronger toilet paper. Supposedly the US paper was so strong that the UK toilet system would be overwhelmed and the British Empire as we know it, would cease to exist. One line in the article mentioned that while the Brits tend to fold their paper, making it weaker when wet, us Yanks tend to "scrunch" the paper.

As in so many things in the USofA I run against the grain - I'm a folder. Which I'm not sure is good or bad. Which also brings me to auto-flushing toilets - the bane of Opus and me. I tend to get up and wipe - in fact, I don't know how one could stay down and wipe. However when I do get up, the auto-flusher flushes before I can toss the soiled and folded paper. Which when I'm done makes a toilet full of unflushed and folded paper - forcing me, well, not actually forcing, but making me want to flush it again. This results in at least a double-flush thus wasting water.

So, the question is, am I doing something wrong? I am an inveterate reader of manuals and package blurbs, but have never run across a manual or even a panel of instructions on toilet paper. There's talk about how soft, how strong, how nice it smells, its color, its embossed designs and economy, but never a blurb about the correct way of using it. As impossible as it sounds, I never even recall reading any kind of warning on toilet paper. You know, stupid stuff, like don't inhale, don't use around heavy machinery, or consult your doctor if any side effects are noticed.

It makes me wonder...