Land of Oz

Police Squad

If you've never seen it, you're missing some good humor. There were only six episodes made, but they were full of dialogue like that below. Leslie Nielson was the star, Frank Drebin and Jay North was Ed, his boss.

Ed: Attempted hold-up, Frank. Cashier is the only witness. According to her, the gunman shot the teller, she grabbed the gun and shot the hold-up man.
Frank: It's the same m.o. as the others.
Ed: Could be, but this one has an interesting wrinkle. The gunman, Twice, is a good family man with no prior record.
Frank: Can I talk to her?
Ed: Sure.
Ed: This is Sally Decker, Frank.
Frank: Hello Ms Decker.
Sally: Hello.
Frank: I am Captain Frank Drebin. I understand you had a pretty rough time.
Sally: Yeah, it was pretty bad.
Frank: Cigarette? (offers her a cigarette)
Sally: Yes, I know.
Frank: Well. Do you feel up to any questions?
Sally: I'll try.
Frank: Where were you when all this happened?
Sally: I was right here at my desk, working.
Frank: And when was the first time you noticed something was wrong?
Sally: Well, when I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell.
Ed: He is the teller, Frank.
Frank: Jim Fell is the teller?
Sally: No, Jim Johnson.
Frank: Who's Jim Fell?
Ed: He is the owner, Frank.
Sally: He had the flu so Jim filled in.
Frank: Phil who?
Ed: Phil Dinn, he's the night watchman.
Sally: If only Phil had been here.
Frank: Now wait a minute, let me get this straight. Twice came in and shot the teller and Jim Fell.
Sally: No he only shot the teller, Jim Johnson. Fell is ill.
Frank: Okay, then after he shot the teller you shot Twice.
Sally: No, I only shot once.
Ed: Twice is the hold-up man.
Sally: Then I guess I did shoot Twice.
Frank: Well, so now you are changing your story.
Sally: No I shot Twice after Jim fell.
Frank: You shot Twice and Jim Fell.
Sally: No, Jim fell first and then I shot Twice once.
Frank: Who fired twice?
Sally: Once!
Ed: He is the owner of the tire company, Frank.
Frank: Okay, now, Once is the owner of the tire company and he fired twice. Then Twice shot the teller once.
Sally: Twice.
Frank: And Jim Fell and then you fired Twice.
Sally: Once.
Frank: Okay, all right, that will be all for now, Ms Decker.
Ed: We will need you to make a formal statement down at the station.
Sally: Oh, of course.
Frank: You have been very helpful. We think we know how he did it.
Sally: Oh, Howie couldn't have done it, he hasn't been in for weeks.
Frank: Well. Thank you again, Ms Decker.
Frank: Weeks?
Ed: Saul Weeks. He is the controller, Frank.