Land of Oz

Bah - Humbug

Oh well, it's that time of year again. My least favorite time of the year. If I had a choice, I'd go to be on November 27 and not wake up again until late in the afternoon of January 1. Christmas is just such hassles. (and yes - I'm calling it Christmas, those who get all bent out of shape over the Christmas/Christ/Xmas thing really have too much time on her hands) Do you wonder why I have such problems with it? First there's the gifts. I don't have a problem giving gifts - it's not the money - it's the hassle of giving and getting stuff that nobody wants. And yes, I know it's supposed to be the spirit of the giving - but still. Does uncle Joe really need the eyeglass case in authentic aardvark skin - or does Aunt Mable really enjoy her bottle of sparkling MD20/20?

And then there's the houses and their decoration. There is such a thing as moderation. Some house really look nice with a tasteful spread of colored lights along the house and a wreath or two on the doors; the silhouette of a tree with tinsel and ornaments framed in the window; and a stuffed Santa or two in the corners. What I hate are those who have determined to single-handedly light up the neighborhood with blinding combinations of lights, glitter and stupid stuffed figures in the yard. Now, I could put up with the occasional Santa or reindeer prancing about, but I really hate the Homer Simpsons dressed as Santa, the Grinches with her … reflecting the visions of accountants at a store and greasily stained white-plastic snowmen with flashing lights in their navels.

Most of all, I really hate the incessant repetition of Christmas music. Yes, Silent Night and White Christmas are great songs - the first 100 times. They are everywhere. Radio, television, stores, restaurants and more - all have mind-numbing Christmas jingles jangling everyone's nerves. And if the classics don't become annoying enough, you have the never ending novelty songs that are annoying instantly. Dogs singing Jingle Bells and drunk Santas are two that come to mind. And the clanging of bells!! Everywhere. Dingles, dongs, clangs and clunks. OK - I see your little red pot there and yes, I'll dump some change or a bill or two into it - but not every time, everywhere.

Finally, why pick the winter for a holiday when everyone is supposed to be somewhere else? Does anyone not go anywhere? Hurry for a white Christmas - but does it have to be white all over the roads? Why don't we swap Xmas and Independence day. That way, we can all travel in the long warm sunlit evenings and bundle up and stay in place to watch fireworks reflecting in the snow. You could have a pitcher of lemonade with a sprig of evergreen in it and warm up your hot chocolate over a sparkler or two. It sounds like a perfect pairing.

As for me, a fair to middlin' Christmas to all, and to all a good night (which I would rather be offering from the cocoon of a warm be.

By the way - I'd like to make a plea here for good night to be spelled goodnight.