Land of Oz

What the hell is wrong with you people?! Today as I was leaving my house there were two cute little kittens huddled on my back porch shivering in the cold. This is about the fourth litter of orphans that has been in my yard since I moved here about a year ago.

This is from the same kinds of neighborhoods where people get all upset over cats and dogs being squashed under hulking backwards baseball capped drivers of SUVs and blue haired drivers in their wallowing Buicks and Chryslers.

You get a pet - and you, not me, are responsible for it. Don't get mad at me when I call the cops over your mutt pooping on my peonies or your cat eating my canaries. Don't bitch at the driver who at one in the morning ran over your pure black kitty running across the road.

If you're going to let the critter out, get it fixed! Cats and rats and dogs and squirrels breed. It's about their only hobby other than peeing on my porch. Don't expect your precious little Percy to wander around at 10pm at night and be a priest - whoops, way wrong analogy - I meant some sexless, harmless character. Percy will be doing his or her damndest to make little Percys.

And by all this you think I'm a animal hater, you'd be closer to the mark if you think people hater. I'm working on getting my girlfriend to accept cats and hopefully, one of these days, I'll be able to enjoy my own inside fixed cats.