Land of Oz

Furniture

We've been out looking at furniture lately. It's been new furniture, not antique stuff. Which brings me to a couple things. First, I really hate the new furniture that has been distressed to look like old furniture. You know the kind of stuff I'm talking about; fake worm holes, chain dents and dings, sand papered paint jobs, stains and the occasional piece of acid rusted hardware. If I'm paying money for new furniture, I don't want it to look like it's spent ten years being beaten up in a house full of pre-schoolers. I'm also not that into real antiques. I don't want something that looks like something I just tossed into a dumpster (which actually happened this weekend). And I can't understand why people pay extraordinary chunks of money to possess junk like this. This isn't to say, I wouldn't mind a nice looking piece of ancient furniture - it just means I don't a piece of ancient furniture that looks like ancient furniture - with rotted wood, cracked boards and rusty screws.

I also don't care for the new and modern style of design. White (or some puny pastel), plastic appearing crap seems to be the latest style. I don't like it. The same with plastic/metal whatevers that have to emphasize the grain of wood. Do you know how much time is spent making a piece of wooden furniture smooth? And they decide to copy it by making deep wood-like grooves in the plastic that are supposed to suggest warm wood.

By the same token, table tops should be smooth - not creased with grooves and holes and emphasized hardware attachments. I can put up with separate boards in some table tops, but not as a general rule. And speaking of table tops, the latest style seems to be HIGH tables and chairs. I don't want a dining room table six inches taller than they used to be. I don't want to have to sit on a tall stool to eat dinner. It's OK for snacks and quick lunches, but I'd prefer to keep my feet on the floor when I'm seriously chowing down.

So, do you want to make me some quality furniture? How about using real solid wood; oak or walnut perhaps, finish it with a nice satiny rubbed oil finish and keep the chains and awls out of the table top. Leave your paint and particle board for the kids and don't make me a dining room table that looks like giants will eat there. Unfortunately, after all that, you're going to have to charge a gazillion dollars for it, and I won't be able to afford it anyway.

Labels: gripes