Land of Oz

Priorities

Here's the latest from the US State Department:

The fight against international terrorism remains "formidable" for the United States and its allies, with 651 significant attacks taking 1,900 lives worldwide last year...

Checkout those numbers - 1,900 lives worldwide! OK, now from the FBI's website: Murder and nonnegligent manslaughter = 16,503; violent crime = 1,381,259; and that's just the USofA.

Well, we all know what you can do with statistics. Basically, with the right selection of statistics you can prove just about anything. I didn't do a bunch of data mining for those numbers. The FBI stats came from their web site and the US State Departments stats came from a news release on CNN

Whether you agree with them or not, I'm guessing they're pretty close. However, I really question the 1,900 terror-related deaths (my guess would have been 100s of thousands) - but who questions the State Department. The point is, that the State Department considers 1,900 deaths to be formidable (in fact, bad enough to spend, oh, what - $500 billion or so??). So what should we consider 16,503 deaths? How about doing some house cleaning here in the US. There must be some reason we have one of the highest jail population percentages in the world and yet still have 16,503 murders. How about spending some of those billions going overseas here in the US to clean up our act.

1984 & Mac

Remember a long time ago when Apple hammered away at Big Brother? When Apple tried to target itself as one who fought for the little guy? Whew - are those days gone. Think about this year so far. Apple put the legal hammer to a few web sites that were reporting (too accurately it seems) on upcoming Apple stuff. And of course the courts backed Apple and said that Web reporters don't get no stinking protection.

Now Apple's going after the printed word. Seems like some author had some words about Jobs that Apple has taken affront at. I have no idea what this is all about since I'm not a big Apple fan, and haven't followed this much. While Apple has had a lot of neat stuff in their development, I've always felt they were too pricey. I remember back when I bought my first computer - a TRS-80 Model 1. I priced the Apples and they were way much pricier. The color availability wasn't enough to counter the 40 character screen - especially at the price they wanted. Remember this was back when my Model 1 with 16K of RAM and a cassette player for bulk memory was almost $900. Which brings up another deja vu moment of my first printer - a Quick Printer II that printed 32 characters across on aluminum foil and could be had for the cheap price of $250.

Anyway, it seems that Apple is making sure that -- well, I'm not really sure what Apple is making sure of. I plug along now with a Dell PC and an iRiver MP3 player and don't seem to be missing much by not having an Apple - computer, music player or otherwise.

2fers: TRS-80 Model 1 and Dell

Labels: apple, computers, oldies, tech

Legal Eagles

Here's an advertising campaign that makes you want to rush out and use their services. Last night, my mailbox had a couple of brochures stuffed in it among all the actual paid-for mail. If you're not aware, this is illegal. Mailboxes are only supposed to be used for mail that is paid for through the USPS. That's why UPS and FEDEX stick their notices to your door. And guess what the brochures were for? A legal consultation service! So they expect me to use them for legal advice??

And being the annoying person that I am, I called USPS to rat them out. You think they care? Not really - after wandering through several of those stupid "press or say ONE" menu option, the lady I finally talked to really didn't care a snit about it. She told me if they get caught, they'll have to pay postage. Hey lady, "THEY GOT CAUGHT." You're going to raise the cost of me mailing a letter by two cents, but you don't care if some business is using the mailbox (which you told me I had to buy, by the way) for free. That kinda sucks. Excuse me for trying to help you collect your money.

And then there's the legal outfit. The name and number are written on the brochure - some guy named Bosely. I call and a lady answers "Hello?" Nice professional phone etiquette. I ask for Mr. Bosely, and she says "he's not here." What the hell kind of business is this? If you're going to break the law delivering your ads, the least you can do is answer your phone. I asked her if it was a little strange that a service that is supposed to offer me legal advice advertises by illegal means. She was totally oblivious to anything I said. Mr. Bosely, has a great future ahead of him.

2fers: We Don't Care and but we should...

Fiction - again

When did fiction lose its status? I recently bitched about the Vatican up in arms about the Da Vinci Code and telling its members not to read it. Not too long ago there was a big ruckus over a movie called The Day After Tomorrow saying it showed stuff that wasn't real. Now I just finished reading an article in the Sunday paper about the CSI effect and how it affects real-life trials.

Again, and I am repeating myself here, it's FICTION folks. The book is fiction, the movie is fiction and the television show is fiction. You may find it hard to believe (actually I guess you won't) but not everything in print, on the big or little screen, or, dare I say it, the Internet, is not true. So when you're standing in the supermarket line and you read that Madonna gave birth to a three-headed boy from Elvis, it isn't necessarily true. When you see a movie that shows the White House being evaporated by an alien mothership, I wouldn't run out and cancel your vacation to Washington D.C. And while yes, that $29.95 Gonzo knife special demonstrated at 2AM may be the best collection of kitchen utensils ever made, it's unlikely.

Now in my case, I'm probably over cynical, but I rarely believe anything I read or see the first time. I usually have to have to some kind of confirmation. Does the paper say the sun is going to rise at 6:33AM? Well, maybe, but one of these days it won't and that day may be tomorrow. Did the local news report that the Lions won the Super Bowl? OK - bad example, no one would believe that - but you get my drift. Where's your source? I'd put a lot more weight on a story if it's ABC news, that if it's found in someone's blog (yes, like this one). However, I'd feel a lot safer if NBC, PBS and the Washington Post all report the same thing. One or two may get something big wrong, but it's unlikely they all will.

Just remember - some things are FICTION, that means they aren't supposed to be true. Tom Swift didn't build and Flying Lab and you don't get a DNA test back in twenty minutes. And although I've never actually seen it, I'm pretty sure the Eiffel Tower does stand in Paris, and the Liberty Bell has a crack in it. Not everything is fiction, some things are true - just remember there's a difference.

2fers: CSI (fiction) and CSI (non-fiction)

Creepy²

Honestly, I have no idea if Michael Jackson is in fact guilty of the specific mess he's in the middle of right now. Unfortunately, from the little I've heard and know of the "witnesses," I can see some reasonable doubt about this specific instance - and, as I understand it, one instance is what he's being tried for.

However, I have no doubt he's guilty overall. And not only him, but the fucked up parents who let their kids stay with Michael in Neverland. What on earth were you thinking??? Is the fact that he's a singer and can walk backwards really worth ignoring all the creepy stuff he's been involved with? And then there's the witnesses themselves. Do you really need a job with Michael so bad that you didn't mind watching little kids be abused? You're as guilty as he is.

Come on, if it had been some "normal" 40 year old single guy in your neighborhood who lived alone, kept monkeys in his backyard, and came to court wearing pajamas would you have allowed your 12 old kid to play with him? Is the chance of being associated with a celebrity worth throwing your kids to the wolves?

$300,000,000,000

Not that anyone really knows, but that is the amount of money you and I have supposedly paid so far for our visit in Iraq. This month or next, "they" are going to vote on another $80,000,000,000 for the same thing. This is for a country that has no WMDs (a term which in itself drives me crazy - as opposed to "minor destruction" perhaps?), virtually no ties to the Saudi nutcases involved in 9/11 (another term which drives me crazy - it's become a catch-all phrase for increased bureaucratic obfuscation) and couldn't launch an attack on the US if its life depended on it (which, come to think of it, it did).

Meanwhile, Osama (remember him - Wanted: Dead or Alive!) is still running around loose. We're stopping Dutch aircraft because they'll probably be flown into the Donald C. Cook nuclear plant. Kim (what a hairdo) il Sung is doing everything he can to get our attention. The problem is once his rhetoric stops, he may actually do something violent if his army doesn't starve first. Twelve-year old kids are being raped and buried alive in the US. We're selling F-16s to both India and Pakistan - that way, when they go to war, we can't be accused of taking sides. I don't even want to think about how many bodies are being buried in Africa who have died long before their time from disease, war and just general mankind's intolerance for mankind.

If all this doesn't depress you, just think about the fact that your taxes were due last week. And now you know where all those zeros are coming from. Pay any doctors for healthcare lately - well, not doctors exactly, but the hospitals they labor for. Wages are going down, health costs are going up and us peons are stuck in the middle.

Happy Earth Day everyone and enjoy the $3 a gallon gas this summer.

2fers: Earth Day and Federation of (Appalled) American Scientists

Fundamentalists

It's nice to see religion moving into the 21st century. There's the new Pope Bennie, who was head of the Inquisition's successor and onetime Hitler Youth. The guy is 78 and was known as "God's Rottweiler." Talk about "don't ask, don't tell." Somehow I don't think gay marriages will be getting much thought for awhile. Maybe gays should find their pink triangles and get them ready for wear.

In our country we have a born-again president who talks to God to find out how to run the country. Even television - the vast wasteland - is going the way of the Revelations, Talk With an Angel, and around here Billie Graham preempts NCIS on a regular basis. It makes you wonder how long before you're going to have to swear to their God before you can hold office or buy a car.

We complain about Muslim fundamentalists, but it seems like we're heading in the same direction. Really, does it make any difference whether the other guy believes in Jesus or Allah, as long as you can kill them for not believing what you do? And really, does it make any difference whether you're killed by a Toyota Corolla packed with C4 and nails, or a Lockheed Martin F-16 packed with precision munitions. Dead is dead.

2fers: I'm not alone and Tolerance

Old Movie

I'm going to try posting a question here and see if anyone answers. I'm trying to track down an old movie I once saw. I'm guessing it's from the 40s or 50s and was black and white. It was a British comedy and took place on an amusement pier in England. I think for some reason the powers to be wanted to shut the pier down and the hero comes along and saves it.

A couple of scenes I seem to recall include the hero proving that a pinball machine wasn't a gambling devices, since it took skill to score and there's also an image of them using these pedal water cars (maybe ducks or swans?) to fight off some kind of attempt to take over the pier.

I thought I remembered Kenneth More (from Sink the Bismarck, and A Night to Remember, among others) being in it, but a review of his filmography proved unrewarding.

I've googled and yahooed for it with no luck. If anyone has an idea of what movie I'm talking about, please let me know.

And while I'm on British entertainment, I'm also trying to discover the identity of a UK comedian (I think Scot, but I could be wrong) that I saw on BBC back in the early 80s. As I remember he played several string instruments, wore suspenders and large glasses and had frizzy red hair. He did several comedy stories, one about a man who ate too spicy food in an Indian restaurant, dies from a fart, and ends up haunting it. The other story I remember was about a girlfriend visiting in a truck stop.

If you know the identity of either of these, please take a sec to let me know.

Automated Checkout Lanes

Here's another one of those features they tend to foist off as being "for your convenience" when in fact, it's a way to cut a couple of more employees off the payroll while making the customer do the work. However, be that as it may, I tend to like the automated checkout lanes. When I'm shopping - even grocery shopping - I'm usually buying only a few items at a time. What does annoy me (surprise) is how difficult it is for so many people to use these things.

You've given yourself up to a machine, so you might as well listen to it. The screen will dictate what you need to do. How often have you seen someone remove the bags early and then have to fuss and fidget while the human clerk clears things up. Or watch when people scan an item. Many will rub it against the glass scanner window as if the scanner has to feel the barcode. The other thing is the complete confusion that seems to overcome them when it's time to pay. I have yet to see a bill reader require a bill be inserted upside-down, but many folks like to try it. Put it in face up - that's just the way they work.

Having said all that, there are things that really tick me off about the machine. The "wait for cashier" display is what really annoys me. You wait and no one seems to be doing anything. The reason they put the scanners in is to get rid of workers, so when the machine tells you to wait for a worker, there isn't one around. And why don't they have all the numeric produce codes handy? You put your unmarked Bolivian purple passion fruit on the scanner, tell it you don't have a code and then (if you're lucky and someone is around) the human will ask if you have the code. And don't forget having to click through the "do you have anything under your cart?" screen. When I'm planning on stealing a bag of potatoes, I hardly think I'm going to cop to it on a touch screen.

Paying is another thing that gets annoying. I usually use a credit card and in Kroger's, after you scan the card, you have to go to the counter and sign for it. No one has ever checked any ID, so why bother? Just install a signable credit card scanner and be done with it. Of course all this brings up stuff not having price tags - but that's another rant.

2fers: Kroger and Automated Checkouts

Salvation Army

I wonder if Pres. Bush has ever been to a Salvation Army store? He ought to. I stop in one about every other week or so. I go in there looking mostly for books or the occasional odd and end that catches my eye. I've found several slide rules in there and have bought many books. I've found some other cool stuff as well; tool pouches, microscopes, games, a Spirograph, and other stuff. I go there because I can occasionally find neat stuff that is really cheap.

There's two things about the store that has nothing really to do with I buy. The first are the people who shop there. Some of them are like me - regular folk looking for a bargain. But it's the others who really get to me and yes, sometimes eve bother me. These are the ones that I'd like Bush to meet. The marginal folks at the edge of society. Most of them aren't living in rags on the street, but I'd also guess most of them have never seen the inside of an Outback restaurant. Their kids are usually wearing just this side of ragged clothes. And for them buying their kid a toy for $1 is a splurge and a luxury. They usually have a rather beat-down look to them. Have you ever seen the 30's photo of the migrant worker mom? Clean her up a little and you'd have the same worndown, haggard, grey face that you can see in the Salvation Army.

I wonder what these folks thought their future would be when they were in 10th grade? Do you think they'd imagine they'd be living from paycheck to paycheck with three young kids hanging on their skirts and their big shopping trip would be the Salvation Army and then a stop at the local overpriced corner grocer with the "checks cashed here" and "food stamps accepted" signs in the window? What do they think about now when they pile into their rusty 1985 Ford with the bad muffler and sunfaded bumper stickers and glance over at the brand new Hummer sitting in the Tim Horton's across the lot? It's bad enough the parents are in that predicament, but why'd they have to bring more kids into the same life?

The other thing I wonder about in the Salvation Army is when I'm looking at the books on the shelves. What is the story behind them? You can tell when a new batch comes in. All of a sudden there's a group of books from the 1950s about home repair and cooking or maybe a bunch of 1970s books about etiquette or fashion or gardening. Did the people who bought those books 40 years ago ever imagine they'd be sitting on the shelves of the Salvation Army. I imagine that will be my obituary - 30 feet on the Salvation Army bookshelves.

Salvation Army and Hummer

Critics

Have you ever wondered why critics even exist? My thinking is that they are wannabees who lack the talent for original creation. They need to build off of someone else's work. And it's not just the titled critics I'm talking about.

There's one I know. He spends an inordinate amount of time looking over other people's work and then composes massive badly-spelled feedbacks full of atrocious grammar and nonexistent logic. You know the kind, it goes something like this: On page 5 you said theirs a red bird, but on paige seven you say it's a maroon berd which is correct."

>I've edited some stuff out of here, since someone at work may read it and tattle on me.<

Which brings me, somehow, to movie critics. Can these folks be any further removed from the rest of us? Maybe it's just me, but I've found for the most part, that if I take the complete opposite of a "big-name" movie critic's advice, it'll probably be much more correct. Do these people ever watch a movie just for fun? Do they have to find some deep and emotional meaning in every second of screen time? Do they ever think that some of us watch movies to escape all the deep emotional crap and just want to be inundate with mindless buffoonery or gratuitous violence and sex? This especially drives me crazy when they pick at the science of a science-fiction movie - duh - science-fiction. It's not supposed to be real.

2fers: Rotten Tomatoes and Roger Ebert

Gullible Again

I will use my exalted position here to get all internal documentations to back up the claims. The whole Procedures will last only 5 working days to get the fund retrieved successfully Without trace even in future. Please I need the following:

1. YOUR FULL NAME
2. PHONE AND FAX NUMBER
3. HOME ADDRESS/COMPANY'S NAME AND ADDRESS.
4. YOUR AGE AND OCCUPATION

The transaction will be done successfully and smoothly completed via email and telephone. You don't need to come to my country. Send your full name, address and telephone number to me via email urgently today so that I will call you for discussions. I PROMISE that you must be happy and shall rejoice greatly soonest for cooperation with me in this transaction. After successful conclussion of this transaction, we shall share the money 50-50 (50% for you and 50% for me).

I await your good response today. Thanks and remain blessed. I require you to maintain the confidentiality of this transaction because it is important due to the fact that I am still in active services to the PRUDENTIAL INSURANCE COMPANY. Your earliest response to this matter is very important.

I AM WAITING YOUR REPLY TODAY.

Kind Regards,

MR. PAUL IKEMBA
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR; PRUDENTIAL Insurance.
send Reply to: mrikemba@indiatimes.com

By the way, this is for an insurance policy of $45 million for MR. Robert Finklestein. And oh - you have my permission to take advantage of this fine offer and email Mr. Paul Ikemba

Nigerian Riches

Gullible: easily duped or cheated
Nigeria: country W Africa bordering on Gulf of Guinea; a republic within the Commonwealth of Nations, formerly a colony & protectorate

Nigeria + spam + gullible^2 = NOT$

I'm really tired of seeing a few hundred spams in my email basket every day. And why are they there? Because of idiots like you who respond to them. I just read yet another news article about some guy who lost thousands in a Nigerian oil money scam. He actually traveled down there to collect and almost got himself killed besides.

Think about this for a minute. Do you really think there's some dude in Nigeria who just happens to have $12.7 million floating around and he's contacting you for help? Don't you think he'd find someone he knew a little closer if all this was even remotely legit? How stupid and greedy do you have to be to send your bank account number or cash to one of these folks? This is supposed to be a $100 million a year industry in Africa. Suckering folks into sending them big bucks for some supposedly lost multi-million dollar account that they would so love to share with you out of the goodness of their heart. Please - people - think a minute.

That kind of greed is bad enough, but what goes through the mind of someone who will order medicine from an email that can't even spell the medicine correctly? v1agrA for heaven's sake. Yes, doctors do have lousy handwriting, but this is typed!! Are you actually going to put something like that in your mouth?

The main reason there is so much spam is that it pays. Maybe only one per thousand or so respond, but when you send out millions of messages -- even misspelled and written to a first grade level -- and you get a handful of responses, you're making money. Spam is practically free to send. Almost anything back is profit. Now quit it!!